@SamSykesSwears: "If Bernie doesn't get the nom, I'm voting Trump." "Also, if McDonald's is out of chicken nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions."

@Bownuggets: In order to catch herpes, u have to think like a herpes

@_NTFG_: Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.

@modestjune: What kind of bears don't have teeth? Gummi bears. ;)

@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.