@shawnspree: Is this the movie where a down and out coach is given a chance of a lifetime to turn these nobodies and misfits into a winning team?
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@Brianhopecomedy: A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?
@BumbleDC: *accidentally summons malevolent demon at a séance* I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER! [4 days later] YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY
@TheMichaelRock: My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend.