@GirrlGenius: Is Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?
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@MikeMcNeil_: Maybe your dog is barking at my bag because he doesn’t want to work in law enforcement anymore.
@blade_funner: Officer: I'll need to see a photo ID. Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight.
@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband