@Bob_Heller: Is your girlfriend wife material? I'm building a giant wife.
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@CynthiaJEllis: News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch.
@Just_Lee_: It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."
@WildeThingy: Spider bucket list: 1. Eat flies 2. Don't get squashed by a crazy screaming lady when all I'm doing is eating flies 3. Meet Peter Parker