@Bob_Heller: Is your girlfriend wife material? I'm building a giant wife.
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@thestlouisan: [Texting] WIFE: Will you get coffee and a bagel for 6? ME: He's too young for coffee W: Coffee's for me M: Where's the comma? W: M: Hello?
@AbbyHasIssues: I react to the UPS guy delivering my Amazon package the way geese react to people with bread.
@KKAlThani: David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut.