@kamiekaymee: IS YOUR WEDDING GOING TO BE OPEN CASKET?
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@robesman: in 2016 if i walk in to your place and ask for the wifi password and you give me a paper with 26 letters and numbers i'm leaving
@jonnysun: JESUS: today im going to walk on water JUDAS: NO DONT-- [jesus walks onto ocean. entire ocean turns to wine. all ocean life dies instamtly]
@cbdoubleu: Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.
@GavinProbably: How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)