@gorrdano: Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.
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@sweet_pea707: HR: Do you know why I called you in here today? Me: I have a boyfriend HR: Ok, sorry to bother you
@sirchutney: Who just rang my doorbell? Its either: 1. A murderer 2. The police 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@BumbleDC: Thanks for a lovely evening, I had a great time. Sure, I'll come in for a coffee. You have a lovely apartmeMY GOD that is a lot of Swastikas
@amydillon: 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.