@gorrdano: Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.
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@LionJenkins: Her: Babe! Be careful! The stove is hot! Me winking and leaning on the stove: You're Hot, Baby. 911: What's your emergency?
@caaataclysm: Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night.
@Sickayduh: "Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. "Pfft losers"