@chuuew: Isn't it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn't think so but that's what my new best friend is telling security
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@KeetRidley: If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home.
@KingsnorthAP: Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink
@CornOnTheGoblin: "someone broke into your room... and peed on you while you were asleep" me: that's right, officer
@MurphyMcLachlan: Doc I keep throwing up Did u eat anything odd lately No What about that bottle youre holding labelled "lizard juice" You said eat, idiot