@trevso_electric: Isn't it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It's like, do I want to tell people that there's a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right?
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@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@tastefactory: HOUSE: I had dreams but no I'll just stay here & let u live in me, fine whatever WIFE: Did u hear something ME: It's just the house settling
@QwertyJones3: [speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes.