@TheBosha: Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER.
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@Tommytoughstuff: Career day: Hi kids I'm Bills Dad and I work at the local morgue. Who wants to pet a dead body?"
@MarlonBrandNO: MOM: Story time ME: Yay! MOM: it's called "The Little Engine that Could, but doesn't cuz he's a little shit that won't move out" ME: mom?
@Terdoh: My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like "You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"
@okimstillhungry: I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned.