@DannyDyer5: It always amuses me when I see tweets from people clearly using words they don't understand, thus making themselves look aerodynamic.
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@MoneypennyNaked: Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?
@ArfMeasures: HER: Does your dog do any tricks? ME: I taught him to lie on the bed H: That's not impressive lol DOG [gets on bed] I wrote The Hobbit
@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.