@KentWGraham: It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol.
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@SirEviscerate: This old rich guy pointed to a jungle and said I had 20 minutes before he started hunting me. He seems pretty mad that I'm just standing here tweeting.
@whereami18: A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher walked into an elevator to punish me for not hitting the close door button fast enough.