@MensHumor: "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game." -Losers
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@TheGladStork: Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!
@AntozWolf: Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going.
@ComedicBust: ME: What'd you want for dinner? MY GOTHIC GF: I pray that the lord of darkness will claim my body & soul before sunset. ME: Chinese it is.
@daemonic3: [at Waldo's trial] Judge: Jury, how do you find the defendant? Jury: We the jury find the defendant by looking in the top left of the page