@Freudstombstone: It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged.
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@heymonroe: That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.
@THEDUTHCHESS: My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say "Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: Where were you on Friday? Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...
@AristotlesNZ: Woah, woah! Lets see some I.D., Kid! LOLZ!! Just kidding! Press that button and come on in! -Adult Websites