@Asbo_Unicorn: It is better to have loved and lost than have your face ripped off by a chimpanzee
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@SteveDutzy: *logs on Facebook IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! *logs off WAIT COME BACK! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!
@deathoftheparty: read this from top to bottom to discover just how much movement your eyebrows are capable of
@carlyken: I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza. I've narrowed it down to: Pizza Farmer Pizza Hunter Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle