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@MadMag_77: It is not a middle finger
It is my unicorn fist
@Reverend_Scott: If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you'll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
@KKAlThani: Relationship tip: every night text yourself "Good morning love!" & turn off your phone real quick to wake up with a good morning text.
@Ndeshi_M: I didn't want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
@rogueMUGA: What idiot called him Alexander graham bell instead of lord of the rings
@dshack8: 6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower?
Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?