@omgthatspunny: It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
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@my_minivan_life: "Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs." "Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?" "That's cool."
@Thynebear: "You're bleeding because you don't floss" Me: No, I'm bleeding because I ate the entire bowl of deceivingly fake fruit in your waiting room.
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.
@LoveNLunchmeat: STOP ACTING LIKE THIS GROCERY STORE GIFT CARD ISN'T ROMANTIC. WHO DOESN'T LIKE FOOD?