@Matt_the_1st: It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim
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@TYrannosaurus: *sees girl at bar* Hey baby, wanna get outta here? "Sure!" Good, you're really killing the vibe.
@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
@Just_Lee_: If she says "well you're too busy to chat so have a good day" ..what she means is she hopes it's a good day for your hair to catch on fire.
@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.