@realHamOnWry: It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says "You're fired" every time he launches a nuke.
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@driverminnie: Best convo of the last 5 yrs:I explained to my son that his friend's Mum had become a man: "You can do that?""Yes""Then I wanna be a dragon"
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Hell is just you and your dog as he takes revenge for all the times you shouted "Squirrel!" when there was no squirrel.
@Whatevah_Amy: If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they'll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
@LetMeStart: Son: How do you always know when we lie? It's like you're a psychic or a wizard or something. Me: The word you're looking for is "mother."