@Smug_Lemur: It looks like bathroom tai chi but it's me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
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@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
@sfreeze6: "Mrs. Doubtfire" is my favorite movie about a messy custody battle that gives way to horribly illegal and creepy transgendered stalking.
@StaceyShortcake: My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is.
@iscoff: Local News: GREG JOHNSON, 41, ESCAPES BEING EATEN BY BEAR Bear News: FOOD NAMED GARG RUNS FROM LUNCHTIME