@Smug_Lemur: It looks like bathroom tai chi but it's me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
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@vexroid: Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'
@QwertyJones3: An opossum is just a regular possum that reenacts the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally.
@simoncholland: My kid brought home a school fundraiser packet in case anyone wants a $43 roll of wrapping paper or an $80 candle.