@NotthatAdamWest: It makes me a little sad that shaking a vending machine might be the closest I ever come to fighting a robot.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "The CAT scan results are in and they have confirmed my suspicions." Me: "Okay, I'm ready." Doctor: "You're not a cat."
@RoosterMustache: Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor
@AndyAsAdjective: coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE