@PhoenixRises69: It makes me sad that the closest I'll ever get to 'hulking out' is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
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@heatherlou_: Google just alerted me to light traffic in my area which is odd because I'm in the bathtub.
@mexinonblonde: I aged about 2 years and counted 14,364 cat hairs on my cashiers blouse at Walmart waiting for her to ring up my groceries.
@DanMentos: "Bob's here" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? "We only know one Bob and he's an accountant" *arm falls off*
@FrogAvalanche: "Dad, I cant sleep." Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. "Dad Im seven-" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.