@Lunatic_times: It might be a sign you have a drinking problem when the cashier at the liquor store asks if you own a bar.
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@yayraptor: [at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building
@ActuallyEmerson: Gay guys don't listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say "I know, right?!" while we wait for our turn to talk.
@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house