@wendchymes: It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your " boyfriend" and she dial's up Domino's pizza
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@Milariou: I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
@hazelmotes1: Kids, you'll never know the pain of digging the innards of a loved cassette out of a cheap stereo and crying as you wind it up with a pencil
@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.