@wendchymes: It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your " boyfriend" and she dial's up Domino's pizza
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@Manda_like_wine: I'm only listening outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels.
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
@heykarlin: I feel bad for the children of Vegans because no one gets found when their picture's on the back of unsweetened organic almond milk.