@ExcuseMyTweets: It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy.
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@MrSpoonicorn: *cop slams bag of weed down on table* "EXPLAIN." "its not mine officer i swea- "oh quit the crap Bulbasaur we know you're the grass type"
@Stellacopter: Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with "two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips."
@brynnester: [Confession] Me: I wish Jim was alive. He was my best friend Priest: Jim is alive. I saw him yesterday Me: Yeah I was getting to that part
@realHamOnWry: I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'