@040204Lawson: It only took four men to wallpaper my house, but I had to slice them really thin.
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@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@AcrimoniousClwn: Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.
@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@Death_Buddy: ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE? "Haha a man obviously" *Detective places cheese on table* *suspect starts to sweat*