@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with
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@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
@SoNotBrendan: I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that's a lot of weed.