@halloweenbears: it really hurt my feelings when you called me a stalker to your friend when you guys thought you were alone in the locker room
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@JosesLovesYou: *barges into bank with guns drawn Alright everyone now be cool and no one gets hurt! *hands out sunglasses all around Nice. Nice.
@jonnysun: whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
@chimneyspotter: What do we want? FLEXIBLE WORK SCHEDULES THAT ACCOMMODATE FAMILY LIFE! When do we want it? [Unintelligible yelling of different dates]
@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.