@SkinnieTalls: It rubs the lotion on its skin and struggles with the doorknobs again.
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@adamlucidi: You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you.
@UrbanDouchebag: Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I write a letter to a prison inmate to tell them how much better my life is than theirs.
@BringDaNoyz: ME: [trying to console a friend whose house has been demolished] Cheer up, bulldozing is the sincerest form of flattery