@juneohara65: It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up.
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@lisaxy424: My mom texted me asking what "DTF" meant and I told her "Dedicated To Family"...I seriously can't wait for her to use it.
@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
@KevinFarzad: I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm fit but really it's just a great way to hold 2 footlong meatball subs.
@okimstillhungry: I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned.