@Maui_Speaks: It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio. Signed, my pants.
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@BuckyIsotope: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Trident sugarless gum. The 5th dentist is busy butchering protected wildlife.
@Amusitr0n: If someone's embarrassed just tell them an astronaut did the same thing. For example, "It's ok, Buzz Aldren once shit himself in an Arby's"
@BurroFuma: I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*