@Maui_Speaks: It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio. Signed, my pants.
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@Elephart: When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers.
@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
@cwhudson: [Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless
@dave_cactus: ME: *seductively removes her G-string* HER: Could you please just hurry up and finish restringing my guitar?