@Rollinintheseat: "It started out with a Kiss, how did it end up like this?"- Me, after eating an entire bag of Hershey's chocolate.
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@matsmoustache: I don't even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullshit.
@ambienbabe: I say "fight me" a lot for a girl that's 5'2" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy.
@CockSnake: Girlfriend: "I'm pregnant" Me: "Really? Thats great." GF: "April Fo--" *I'm already on a plane to a non extradition country*