@iheartgunts: It started with a star and ended with a restraining order.
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@CallousBalzac: My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me "literally, nothing is interesting to me".
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.
@AcceptableLoses: Met the daughter's new boy friend. Grabbed his crotch and whispered 'looking forward to tonight's three way'... And that is that.
@mylifesuckers: Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?