@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name
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@ddsmidt: Tried to pull up my sleeve and accidentally punched myself. It's okay, I've had it coming for some time now.
@Mikecanrant: So carrying a "wet floor" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon Dating is hard.
@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.