@SoulYodeler: It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to fix them. It takes an enormous man to close down a Chinese buffet. High-5
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@matt___nelson: JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa
@DanMentos: [grabs mic during TED Talk] They're towing a BMW in the parking lot *crowd goes apeshit*
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.