@ShrugLord: It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day
@birbigs: How do you milk an almond?
@9589smith: Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences.
How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop
@EastonEnyart: 2 things I hate;
2)and people who don't finish anyth
@HungoverLawyer: Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do.
@_davidlucas_: He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches.
Humans are weird.