@ShrugLord: It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day
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@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."
@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
@Lama911: Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.