@better_off_dad: It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.
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@noogscorner: Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
@T_Bonezzz_: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So I'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave.
@AmishPornStar1: Life Tip: If you're ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery.