@o__0Dev: It took years for my gf to get me to put down the toilet seat. Though, I really don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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@d_duhwit: Octopus 1:" Woah. There's an arm just swimming by itself." Octopus 2:" that's an eel you idiot."
@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist