@KevinFarzad: It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I'm trying to do that & you're lowering my chances.
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@trojansauce: [titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead
@bornmiserable: "Where do escalators come from?" "Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."
@BestScienceJoke: The U.S. has more prisons than degree-granting colleges. How absurd. To fix that, we should merge some prisons and split up some colleges.
@K_Chapacabra: Call me faithless, but I just can't believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.