@drewjanda: It was a classic Cinderella story: I walked into strangers' houses and made women try on a shoe I found
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@huntigula: Guy: Why does everyone call you "Gross Gary"? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that.
@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
@MartaEffing: When my date told me he was a 'culinary genius', I replied, 'Then this Brazilian won't go to waste!', and winked. Now we wait.
@Fred_Delicious: How many court cases have been thrown out because the judge needs a unanimous decision & the jury is made up entirely of dentists