@apok842: It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
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@Jerrypleasure: [RESTAURANT] Her : I like kids (To impress her) Me: *Points at any kid in a restaurant* I'm his father
@The_CamGirl: ME: I love the D HER:Why? ME:I love to lick them first HER:... ME:Then I love to swallow them HER:... ME:I love D Dunkin' Donuts Interview
@DrunksWithGuns: Me: Don't look at me that way. Everyone pees in the shower. Her: Yes. Most people have the shower running. M: H: Please leave Home Depot.
@TalibJim: Guys WhatsApp status be like "at the gym" since 2014.... Brother are you going to fight Brock Lesnar or just trying to get 12 pack??!!!