@apok842: It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
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@theevilwriter: Tip: if you often say things like "there is no i in team but there *is* one in incompetence" they won't ask you to mentor new coworkers.
@GingerHotDish: Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving "costume" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims.
@cynthiajones11: Granny always said, 'If in doubt, check it out.' My addition: 'If the answer gets your goat, punch 'em in the throat.'
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.