@LOLGOP: It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve! - someone who believes in talking snakes
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@TheToddWilliams: LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash
@SortaBad: Sometimes at the airport I'll ask a stranger if they have an iphone charger and if they do I take mine out and say "nice, me too"
@JonBaker: [future] Kid: Grammar and spelling are stupid, dad! Why do I have to learn them anyway? Me: Internet arguments, mostly
@AlanFelyk: Saw a woman on a dating site who says she’s looking for God. I’m thinking she’s not His type.