@Eightinchgoat: It was just White Floyd until that one red sock got mixed in.
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@WineMummy: When you're on a date that's not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis. You're welcome.
@inoj41: Kissing 101: 1. Open your mouth 2. Wider, that's it. 3. Stick out your tongue 4. Then walk towards her and pray she doesn't run away.
@RobElliottComic: [having sex] Me: CHECK IT OUT NO HANDS! Her: USE YOUR HANDS! Me: *raises the roof*
@Reverend_Scott: [first date at restaurant] ME: so, do you like dogs? HER: I'm more of a- ME: CHECK PLEASE