@lianamaeby: "It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!" - The ultimate twist
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@JohnHilsen: Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe.
@brennadine: [First date] Him: Can you pass the- SOMETIMES WHEN I SLEEP ON MY STOMACH MY CAT LIES ON MY BACK LIKE A TINY SURFER
@jannable9: Hey guys! Remember the golden rules this festive season, when shopping in crowded places; 1/Walk slow 2/Stop for no reason 3/Repeat above
@mysteryteacher: Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody.