@bmarked21: It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.
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@liv_thatsme: *babysitting* Me (to my 4 year old nephew): I think I heard someone break in; will you go check?
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen
@truegritrumble: Tired of being hit by cars? Fed up with being scraped off the road? Sick of fighting off vultures after you've been pancaked? Sidewalks™