@juliussharpe: It was the Middle Ages. There's no way Rapunzel didn't have lice.
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@jordan_stratton: [Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants.
@Book_Krazy: ME: I'd like to order...the updog. WAITER: How would u like that prepared? ME: um medium well? W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done