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@Donna_McCoy: It wasn't a crisis until my mother heard about it.
@Wine_Honey1: The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done
@ZingingCutie: If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet.
@noteverytula: The Proclaimers walked 500 miles without a Fitbit?
@DrunksWithGuns: *Bar fight*
Friend: you go high, I'll go low.
*friend tackles guy at waist*
*me, singing falsetto*
@NicCageMatch: Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"