@juliussharpe: It weirds me out my phone won't swear. What, is it religious?
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@lazerdoov: Me: check out this new gadget. It carbonates anything! Friend: cool Me: yeah even blood Friend: um I gotta go Me: lol no you're staying
@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.