@WilliamRodgers: It would be cool if a jar of Nutella had more than one serving in it...
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@BareChesty: You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says "After 300 yards, stop and let me out"
@YoungNobler: Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins.
@AmericanGent69: Me: Powers out. I'll eat all the food in the fridge so it doesn't spoil Wife: You just turned off the lights Me: *3 tacos in my mouth* what?