@kelkulus: It would have been cool to see the discovery of salt. "This food tastes bland. Let's see if I can improve it by adding some rocks."
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@stephenjmolloy: 'Keanu Can Canoe, Can You?' - instructional video in which actor Keanu Reeves teaches people how to use a canoe.
@eeethanford: But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce.
@ericsshadow: [helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did
@OfficialMizGin: Vegetarian: *lists 100 reasons why I shouldn’t eat meat* Me: Counterpoint: bacon.