@juliussharpe: It would suck being run over by a limo because it would take twice as long.
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@DumbConfessions: Relationship status: can't go to the same bar as last night, because I'm wearing the same shirt as last night.
@lovemydogduck: Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like "Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"
@Mr_Kapowski: *Boss approaches desk* "What the fu.." Me, wearing paper clip necklace - "See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"